


Time Slip

by TheSwordAndTheQuill



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, No One Talks About Feelings, POV Garrus Vakarian, Past Shep/Kaidan, Post-Horizon (Mass Effect), Present Shep/Kaidan if you squint, Shep/Garrus BFFs, but they SHOULD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26352130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSwordAndTheQuill/pseuds/TheSwordAndTheQuill
Summary: After Horizon Garrus and Shepard talk. Well Garrus talks and Shepard doesn't shoot anyone. Same thing.
Relationships: Female Shepard & Garrus Vakarian, Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Time Slip

**Author's Note:**

> The one thing missing for me in ME2 is the lack of discussion about the fact that Shepard lost two years of her life. I just want more from her pov about it.

As they wait for the shuttle to get them the hell off Horizon Garrus shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Shepard's face is thunderous and he can practically feel the anger rolling off her in waves. She says nothing as the shuttle sets down, just stalks up the ramp without a backward glance. Jack raises her eyebrows at him but follows, leaving him no choice but to join them. The ride back to the Normandy is excruciating in its total silence. He tries to ask a question, he’s not even sure what it is, anything to break the tension, but Shepard doesn't even turn her face to him and the words die away unfinished. 

As they clear the airlock Jack shoots him a look that plainly says ‘she’s all yours’ before bolting for engineering. If Garrus had any sense of self preservation he’d follow suit, leave Shepard to cool down on her own. But then if he had any sense of self preservation he wouldn’t be here in the first place. He waits until she’s shrugging out of her armor and her weapons are well out of reach before he speaks again though. He’s not a complete idiot.

“So.” he begins lamely, “that was...unexpected. Small universe huh? Who’d have guessed we’d run into Kaidan of all people.” 

Shepard grunts and tosses her chestplate into her locker with enough force that it bounces back out again. She makes no move to pick it up. 

“The Illusive Man for one.” She says, not looking at him.

“What?” He thinks he must be misunderstanding her, or maybe she hadn’t heard his question quite right. 

“”He knew Kaidan was there.” She says simply, the smooth lines of her face belying the rage he can see flickering just beneath the surface. “He told me in the mission briefing.” 

Well, Garrus thinks, that explains some of the frantic energy that had driven her across the colony at such speed.

“It was all a set up.” She continues, grinding out the words like broken glass. “He knew about our--previous relationship. I think he wanted to give me...motivation.” She’s beginning to shake with anger now, the cool exterior slipping into something raw and bleeding. Her fingers fumble with the buckles of her greaves but he knows better than to try and help her. He thinks briefly about letting the subject drop, but her rage seems more loosely aimed at the Illusive Man than him so he takes a breath and forges ahead. 

“Look Shepherd--about what happened down there, with Kaidan--” Instantly her anger is a precision weapon, focused and deadly

“Do you mean the part where he called us all traitors, or the part where he accused me of turning my back on him and everything good in the galaxy?” 

“Yeah. That was rough.”

“Rough?!” She kicks off the last piece of armor and turns to face him. The expression on her face makes him want to take a step back. He doesn’t. “Garrus he called us traitors.” The word is full of so much venom its painful. There’s grief there too, agony, though she’d never admit it. 

“I know.”

“He turned his back on US.” The ‘on me’ remains unsaid, heavy in the air between them. She turns away, stalking over to the weapons bench and beginning to strip down her assault rifle. “What does he know about any of it? The sacrifices we've made? The things we're up against?" Each question is punctuated with the sharp sound of weapon mods being tossed aside with too much force, he can hear Jacob's heavy sigh from here. "Fuck it." She bites out. "To hell with him. And the Alliance. I’ll do this without any of them.”

He lets her work for a moment, collecting his thoughts, trying to find the right words. There’s a reason why he usually leaves the talking to someone else. 

“Ok.” He says finally, “I’m not saying he was right. Kaidan can be a real ass sometimes. He’s stubborn, emotional, and too eager to see the world in black and white. He always has been.” She makes a noise he can’t quite identify but she keeps working so he plunges on. 

“All I’m saying is that it may not be as simple as him being for us or against us. He’s been through hell, we all have, he may just need a little time. You being alive, its a lot to process, believe me.” She’s gone still, her fingers gripping the edge of the workbench. She doesn't look at him when she speaks but he can see the knuckles on her hands are bloodless. 

“What was it like? After I--” She can’t quite say the word. He leans back against the lockers and sighs. 

“Bad.” He says simply and watches all the fight drain out of her body. She lowers herself down onto the stool by the workbench and looks up at him with tired eyes. She wants to hear it all, but he’s not sure he can give her that. He’s not sure he should.

“Landfall was tough. The pods were pretty scattered and it took a few hours to round up all the survivors. Your pod was the last we found. There was a pretty unpleasant scene between Kaidan and Joker when we got there and realized you weren’t on board, but after that Kaidan pulled it all together. Like I said, stubborn. He got us organized, kept us alive on that frozen rock for the two weeks it took the Alliance to find us. Once we got back he fought like hell to try and find you. We all did, but Kaidan, he couldn’t let it go. He made them wait nearly six months before declaring you KIA. If the rumor mill is to be believed he pushed so hard it nearly cost him his commission, something about an altercation on the Presidium. Apparently Anderson had to pull some pretty major strings to smooth it all out. After your--memorial, he walked up to me, shook my hand, and left without a word. That was the last time I saw him until today. He dropped so far of the radar even Liara didn’t know exactly what had happened.”

It had scared Garrus, the look on Kaidan’s face that day, his skin grey and pinched, his eyes too bright. He’d tried for two days after the service to get a hold of the other man and finally went to Anderson, afraid of what he might learn, but the Counselor had simply said that Lt. Alenko had been reassigned to a classified project that would take him away from the Citadel for a while. Anderson hadn’t seemed worried, and Garrus trusted him, but still...he had to admit despite everything the primary emotion he’d experienced down on Horizon had been surprised relief. And maybe a little irritation, the LT really could be a prick sometimes. 

“As for the rest of us.” He went on. “We just, drifted, I guess. It wasn’t like there was an empty ship just waiting for all of us to board as if nothing had changed. People were reassigned, some of us left to pursue other things, we tried to keep in touch but it just...I don’t know Shepard, without you it didn’t work.” That seems to be all he can think to say to her. They sit in the silence for a moment before she brings both hands up to rub at her face.

“Three weeks Garrus.” She says, her voice muffled behind her fingers. She lifts her head and he aches to see how lost she looks. “Three weeks. Maybe four. That’s how long its been for me. There was the Normandy, then space, then the Cerberus medical bay that was being overrun with killer robots.” 

“Killer robots?” Maybe she’s more sleep deprived than he thought.

“It doesn't’ matter.” She says, waving it away before he can ask more questions. “The point is, I feel like I just saw you." She hesitates and he watches as she tries to make the terrible truth of it sound nonchalant. "I understand that its been longer for you. I mean, I don’t really understand it, but I believe it. Its not that I expect you all to be the same its just that...I am.” 

She isn’t though, he can see it in how stiffly she holds herself, the way her gaze can’t meet his for longer than a second or two. He’s spent so much time these past weeks NOT thinking about what exactly it means to have her back that he’d never really stopped to wonder how she was dealing with it, how strange it must all seem to her. Like she just stepped out of the room for a moment and then came back to find all the rules had changed. Her easy confidence lulled him into forgetting she was only human, despite her miraculous return. He can’t begin to guess what she’s been going through, but he should have asked. He’ll be better, he promises them both, he wont let her down like that again. 

“Well I don’t know much, but I do know this” he says, pushing away from the lockers and holding out a hand in her direction. She takes it and he pulls her to her feet, giving her fingers a squeeze before letting go. “I’m starving. Lets go see what atrocity Gardner’s whipped up in the Galley today and then you should get some sleep. I’m sure our illusive friend will have more fun field trips for us in no time.” 

She nods in agreement and he moves toward the door before realizing she’s hanging back. When he turns he finds her looking at him, her smile a little watery. 

“Thanks Garrus.” She says, “Really.”

“Hey.” he answers, waiting for her to catch up to him before gently elbowing her in the arm. “What are best friends for?” As he says the words he’s struck by how true they are, how bone deep his thankfulness to have her back beside him is, and he knows he’ll follow her to the edges of the galaxy if he has to. Shepard and Vakarian, together to the end.


End file.
